1st March, 2024
There is a different flavour of samadhi today. For context, I've been intentionally maintaining a vipassanaic mode of samadhi (concentration) in my waking hours to integrate insights into all situations in life with openness and clarity. My experience today has been effortless, it is almost as if that mode of samadhi gradually became more and more effortless, I merely recognised the effects today.
In terms of the experience, the depth of the spontaneity, luminosity and not-self nature of sensations are constantly sinking deeper into every atom of my being. Almost as if there is this unstoppable force (has a gentle, soft quality) is pulling my "experience" deeper and deeper without end, continuously much like infinite deepening and integration. It is as though I crossed a threshold from concentration to free-falling into deeper and deeper integration. It is not to say that no practice is needed, but the mode of practice feels as though it has been flipped over with effort. I guess the best analogy I could make is:
Imagine a boat that's been rowing hard against the current. Suddenly, it finds a current that carries it effortlessly. It's like my practice of staying focused has shifted from rowing hard to just flowing with the river. Everything feels lighter and naturally in sync, like the boat is moving by itself, guided by a gentle, unstoppable current deeper into calm waters.
Contrary to my beliefs before the path, it is neither a dead-stop nor is it a like I have to give even an ounce of effort for the integration. It is more like you put in effort until practice quite literally arrives at a place where it flips over into a mode where there is simply NO WAY to make any amount of effort whatsoever. The grasping tendencies arise and pure bright, clear, luminous, power phenomena/awareness burns themselves without fail.
Tonight's Formal sit (1hr):
As stated in my previous posts, I intended to maintain access concentration for longer instead of rushing into jhanas as I wanted to go deeper instead of further. However, I encountered something interesting tonight; though the hinderances are very mild and rarely arises (when they do I use the TWIM method).The interesting thing is that, I noticed that the desires are not for ice cream or any "sensual pleasure" but rather for jhana itself which prevented me from accessing the jhanas today and even when I did I kept going out of it. Almost as if, because I wanted to be in the absorption state I tried harder using a more effortful single-pointed mode of concentration which drains brain power quickly.
Just thought it'd be a good thing to keep in mind and observe. After the first (approx) 40 mins, I did vipassana in the remaining 20 minutes. Another note is that, the more I want to concentrate the harder it is to rest on the feeling of metta (which is my usual object of meditation).